In the long run, you’ll realize that there are a few relationships in life that’s not worth saving. Do not constantly remind yourself that you are in love. Or tell yourself that there is no one else in the world that will love and tolerate you because you’re only settling down with someone for the sake of not being alone.
It’s going to be hard but at some point you have to realize your relationship is dead. There’s no use staying when you are unhappy because if you do, it might turn toxic. Because there will always be someone whose pride is too big to admit the spark is gone and another who is trying to avoid any conflict.
To some extent you give yourself small reason on why you should stay though the number one reason would always be to avoid crippling loneliness so you might as well stay with the because let’s face it, you’re no good in being single. Why venture into the great world of tinder mismatches and awful blind dates? When you can live your life in benign mediocrity with someone who might not make you happy but can try to make you smile every once in a while?
But then again you end up in this stagnant state, where you try so hard to shake things up. Try so hard to feel something because let’s face it, you look at your significant other and wonder how you can tolerate each other for so long without any physical or psychological alteration. You are constantly reminding yourself that you SHOULD be happy with them regardless of any disappointment or resentment or grievances they may give you because you are both so stupidly and irreversibly in love with each other. Well that’s what you tell yourself.
One will always go through great lengths to make it seem that the relationship is still alive. Most of the time it’s a one sided thing, a receiver and the most admirable giver of the situation. They’re the ones that give you little surprises, have photographic memory they use as leverage when giving you nostalgic gifts based on inside jokes and firsts. They are the ones who would do anything to make you stay.
Then you’re there sitting around wondering why they do this. You feel as if they’re guilt tripping you for the things you forget, for the various things occupying your mind and for just lying there while they look like the hero of the romantic comedy, the saviour of romance.
Then you reach a high point or boiling point in the relationship, where one small insignificant detail can turn into a mess. You’re always irritable and they always seem to nag or look like they never listen to you. You find yourself getting mad more often than usual, even about the smallest of things.
To the point that being mad is the only emotion you can feel around them. The only way to show some sort of affection or passion is by screaming at the top of your lungs or at least make a sarcastic side comment about how YOU do most of the work in the relationship. Though you have to admit they make you smile every once in a while but you end up finding a reason to be mad at them. The worst part is you don’t see this as toxic but as a way to fight for your dying relationship, to prove that it’s still worth it.
You actually miss your Tinder mismatches because at least you can easily cut loose the stupid fools and move on to the next brainless horny bastard.
As you sit there waiting for the next argument, the next sweet surprise and wondering if physical intimacy will be the saving grace of your relationship, your mind wanders to what if situations you actually wish were true. You then realized how unfulfilled your life is, how discontented you are and then realize maybe your relationship isn’t worth it. There’s a growing resentment between the two of you that turned into the elephant in the room that you try so hard to avoid.
If you have to remind yourself that you’re happy and in love, you’re not really happy or in love, would you rather grow together knowing that you harbour strong and hateful feelings towards each other? Or would you rather escape the toxic environment both of you are creating?
Pick the second choice.